Its time to rant...

I have a lot on my mind today.
#1 - CB is coming into town next Thursday. 
#2 - GC has made me want to pull off the nice gloves. 

On thought #1, the last few weeks and the weekends spent have been great and wonderful and blissful and everything the beginning of something or nothing should be.  I am allowed to have butterflies and have my heart flutter and have thoughts spin out of control...as they are staring to be reigned in...
That last day with CB was great - the last few hours not so much.  Where did my crying fit come from?  WHY did a crying fit start?  I knew for a fact that I was leaving.  I know that he lives there and I live here and its geographically challenging and that things would not be as they are with different circumstances.  Like us living in the same area. 
I am infatuated with the attention, I am giddy over being able to be giddy over someone.  I love the little things that he does; plug my cell phone in for me, opens my doors, holds me the whole night through.  Tells me he just wants to show me off to everyone.
I will allow myself to feel giddy and be able to let myself believe that there is HOPE for a future.  Maybe not with him - but with SOMEONE.  He is incredible.  Right now.  He is proud to be seen with me - to introduce me to his friends, assure me that his friends LIKE me, he hugs me close and makes sure that I want for nothing while I am with him.
So far across the field of what I let myself settle for with GC. So far the other way of what I was in "love" with.  So far from someone who put such a wall around himself...I relish the openness of CB.  The way he takes my hand all the time.  Just the way I catch him look at me.  My heart, my ego, my soul needs this.  I thrive from it.  At times I am so happy that I feel like I am going to burst.  I have forgotten that THIS is what being with someone is supposed to be like - even if it is a fairy tale right now.
Which brought me to ask myself this question - if this pans out, something happens and the choice came down to it - would I move?  Very insane answer to ask when really we've only been on this level with each other for a few weeks, but what if this does not fizzle out?  Being involved with someone who lives in another state boils down to one thing if things do work out - MOVING.  I think its something that you should think about in the beginning - even if they don't get to a serious point.
I love my life here.  It is MY life, one that I created, worked for and work hard to maintain.  I love my friends here.  Some of the most incredible people I have ever met in my life.  They are the loves of my life right now.  I am in love with this State, the mountains, the snow, the Summers, the Fall, the Spring.  I wanted to learn to snowboard, I have (okay well somewhat), I learned to like hiking.  I have done more things that I would never have done in my life here with the people that I have surrounded myself with.  I think of where I think of as home and I have this comforting feeling looking at the mountains.  I feel at peace here.  There is no other place I would ever want to be.  I need those mountains like I need air.  I can get lost in them just looking at them.  I feel as though I finally have roots.  I have become the person that I have become because of this place and the people that surround me.  The thought of moving sends me into a panic attack.  Can we just clone CB, leave that one in Austin and see where things go so I can know what life is really like and what he's really like? 

My second rant - a dumb one but one that has got my blood boiling.  GC.  I've wondered about him everyday.  I won't lie.  I've thought about him probably everyday.  There have been moments that I missed him so much it hurt.  The tears have stopped and every day that passes I am more sure that being without him is so good for me.  I tried very very hard not to let hate build in my heart for him.  Tried very hard to keep the possibility open to a friendship down the road.  He blocked all of my girlfriends that he kept as friends on Facebook from reading anything on his wall.  WTF??  not like any of us cared about what he was doing, but what is on there that needs to be kept hidden from my girls?  Am I having them SPY on him for me?  Does he think that I am so obsessively in love with him still that I'm having them tell me everything he's doing??  Is he dating someone and they've got stuff posted all over the place?  GC actually told a guy friend of mine that saw him at a bar not to tell me that they talked.  I mean REALLY?? 
Sure, I deleted GC off of my Facebook wall, I blocked him.  I deleted his friends.  That is probably immature in many peoples eyes and there are a few people who told me as much.  But a professional therapist would say THAT IS THE BEST THING TO DO!!  There are no urges to Skype him, to troll Facebook walls to see what he's doing, dating, whatever.  It helps the heart heal and forget.  It helps to MOVE ON.  Sure, I want to send him an email and attach that amazing picture of CB and I where all you can see are our faces and me with that smile on my face and my eyes closed - in probably one of the most happiest, intimate, cloud floating moments ever captured in my life and have the email say - I NEVER felt this way with you.  THANK YOU!!!! 
But what I have now with CB - real or not, is not something that is being done out of revenge.  It has nothing to do with GC other than I would not have known the feelings that I have with CB.
anyway - back to my rant. He not only blocked my friends - which I asked him to delete when we first broke up and he didn't do - but he walked into a restaurant that two of my friends were at and took one look at them and left. 
um - RUDE.
My friends and I were nothing but nice to him.  Accepting, they welcomed him with open arms. 
I've never snubbed any of his friends out in public - and if they take offence to me deleting them off of Facebook, well, then that's just their problem.
I made this break up EASY for GC - no hate, no animosity.  No reason to ever want to bash the headlights on each others cars in. 
Yes, I think GC is lazy.  I think he has no drive.  I think he's a person that floats through life. 
CB is completely opposite - we're constantly doing something, he makes me want to get out and exercise.  We go for walks, for hikes.  CB makes an effort to be with me.  He wants me around for "boys weekend".  GC fit me in when it was convenient for him.  I'd like to be able to punch GC in square in the nose with an anvil fist like in the cartoons. 
He may have started seeing someone that is here and available all the time, while I'm sorting through things with someone that lives hundreds of miles away.  But I'm pretty sure that I've got the one up.  She may be smitten right now and she may already be hanging out with all of his friends, but she'll find out, and I hope that she's crazy when things come to an end for them.  I hope she bashes his car windows out, slashes his tires and gives him herpes. 
(so i'm not TOTALLY mature...)