My drive into work this morning gave me an insane urge to write.
I don't think I will ever get over the beauty of watching the sun rise and the colors that explode and paint the sky. The mountains themselves a wonderous contrast; the purpleish foothills against the stark white snow covered peaks that are surrounded by beautiful pinks and blues of the sky. Photos never do it justice. I've tried. I just sit at the same stoplight on early mornings like this and feel at peace and at the same time feel the urge to want to strap on my snowboard and just be up there. I wish that there was a lift at a resort that was open that early. Maybe once I get good enough to be like those snowboarders that just glide effortlessly down the mountain it will happen. One day I would like to glide down the mountain with the beauty of a sunrise such as the one I experienced this morning. On days like these with views like that, I just feel like I want to burst out of my body and fly. Weird? Maybe, but these are the only words that I know how to describe it.
CB called me last night. We chatted for a very long time...saying everything, yet saying nothing. He kept saying he missed me. I dreamt about him all night last night. Its hard to be indifferent and distant when someone has somehow kept a part of you...and you want nothing more than that person...connections like this are hard to come by. We both know this, distance and circumstance make anything impossible. I wanted my romantic movie experience. I am living it. However, I would like to skip to the last scene and see how this plays out. Its strange to feel about your life the way you do while watching that romantic comedy where the two main characters meet, fall in "something", lust, want and need each other and something always keeps them apart. You want to scream at them, "JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN ALREADY!!", and then it takes them 20 or so years to finally be together. Why the hell did I watch Letters to Juliette the other night??? Because I am a sucker for romance. I am in love with love. I want to be in love because there is nothing more amazing than feeling those butterflies and it feeling like the world is spinning or you are spinning and falling at the same time, yet your feet never leave the ground and everything looks brighter, fuller, wonderful. I love loving someone with everything that I have. Wanting to make them smile, not being able to stop thinking about them, wanting to be with them because its almost painful to be apart. **sigh**
Counting hours until I leave for Hawaii...I feel like I can't breathe here. Almost the way I felt leaving there. I'm so homesick for the ocean and the air, the sun and family. I'm homesick for everything familiar and I'm exhausted. I need to go home. I need my family. I just need to "be".
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to everyone out there who reads my words...Whoever you all are :-)
xoxo,
Me.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Dissapointed.
No drumroll, no need to wonder how dinner with CB went. He bailed. I got a text that said he might have to apre. The snow was to good.
SERIOUSLY?!?!?!
Nice.
Like using the French term for gotta stay and party and booze it up is going to lessen the blow that he's blowing me off.
(The actual meaning is: Après-ski (French: after skiing) refers to going out, having drinks, dancing, and generally socializing after skiing. It is popular in the Alps, where skiers often stop at bars on their last run of the day while still wearing all their ski gear. The concept is similar to the nineteenth hole in golf. This can also happen anywhere in the world where there is snow. In the United States, the term is used more broadly to describe the atmosphere of ski resorts and ski culture, ski themed architecture and decor, and the ski oriented lifestyle in general.)
So I sent him a text back that said "I figured so, have fun. Well I was excited to see you. Have a blast in the snow and happy holidays. Ciao."
I'm hoping that came across as a polite Go Fuck Yourself. With some Italian mixed in there for good measure.
I got an immediate response back that said that his friend wrecked his car and they have to wait for his wife to get done. I didn't respond back.
Yes, I'm highly dissapointed and hurt. Not that I really expected to see him tonight. I just really really hoped I would. Actually more than hoped.
Is it Saturday yet?
SERIOUSLY?!?!?!
Nice.
Like using the French term for gotta stay and party and booze it up is going to lessen the blow that he's blowing me off.
(The actual meaning is: Après-ski (French: after skiing) refers to going out, having drinks, dancing, and generally socializing after skiing. It is popular in the Alps, where skiers often stop at bars on their last run of the day while still wearing all their ski gear. The concept is similar to the nineteenth hole in golf. This can also happen anywhere in the world where there is snow. In the United States, the term is used more broadly to describe the atmosphere of ski resorts and ski culture, ski themed architecture and decor, and the ski oriented lifestyle in general.)
So I sent him a text back that said "I figured so, have fun. Well I was excited to see you. Have a blast in the snow and happy holidays. Ciao."
I'm hoping that came across as a polite Go Fuck Yourself. With some Italian mixed in there for good measure.
I got an immediate response back that said that his friend wrecked his car and they have to wait for his wife to get done. I didn't respond back.
Yes, I'm highly dissapointed and hurt. Not that I really expected to see him tonight. I just really really hoped I would. Actually more than hoped.
Is it Saturday yet?
Friday, December 17, 2010
Christmas, Christmas!!
I am ANXIOUSLY counting days till Monday since there is so much to look forward to next week.
First of all - CB IS COMING TO TOWN!! Okay, well, he's skiing in Vail and will hopefully be able to get back Monday night for dinner. I almost cried when he sent me the text of "I miss you!" after we talked. Cross your fingers for good driving weather and that the tunnel isn't backed up for three hours!!!
Wednesday I'm having happy hour with my friend who broke up with me a few months back...remember that one?
Cornell has been randomly texting about really nothing off and on. Yesterday he sent me a text that said he was sorry we haven't been able to catch up, he just needed some down time. I don't get this one. I haven't bothered to initiate texts, but I'm not rude and just not returning them. Something about this one has got me intrigued. Probably because there isn't much else to occupy my time.
I also disabled my Facebook account. HUGE for me.
Next Saturday, yes, Christmas morning I jump on a plane for a 7 hour flight back home to Hawaii. I cannot wait to feel those trade winds, feel sand between my toes, hear the ocean, smell the salt in the air and see my family and friends...ESPECIALLY my niece and nephew...oh how I've missed them!!!
OH - I do have a date to tell about!! I met this guy at the Rio the other night and having 4 Rio margies (the limit is actually 3...) I thought he was cute and gave him my number. We went out and there was no spark. He actually told me he didn't have any cool clothes until last year when he dated this girl that worked at the Buckle. It was my understanding that only high school girls worked at the Buckle...anyway - I manipulated the entire conversation because I was bored, I thought I came off horrible and figured that I wouldn't be hearing from him again. Don't get me wrong, he was a really nice guy, but young. I didn't get an exact age and I know that I keep saying I need a nice guy, but I'd like one around my own age...or at least in the same age bracket.
Anyway, I did hear from him the next day. SIGH. He said he had a great time (WHAT??) and asked if I was doing something on Friday. I texted him back and said I had plans the whole weekend. Not 5 minutes later he was asking me if I wanted to go to Vegas the next weekend...WHAT!?!?!? Okay, I'm all for spontaneous trips - but with people that I know!!
WEIRD!!
I texted him back and very nicely and politely said thank you for the offer but it wasn't a good idea and that thank you for a really nice dinner, but we probably shouldn't do it again.
I wanted to be nice, but totally up front. I hate when a guy doesn't want to see me again and makes up some bullshit excuse as to why and you know its a bullshit excuse and you just wish they'd be honest with you. I mean it sucks to say, but if you tell someone that you don't want to see them again it saves everyone time and energy. No one can get overly mad at you if you were honest with them. So, hopefully, dating Karma will come back to me.
I read this really cool blog by a girl who lives here in Denver and she posted Break-Up Etiquette 101. I think these are some fabulous rules to keep in your back pocket:
Break - Up Etiquette 101. I hope she doesn't mind me using her link!!!
First of all - CB IS COMING TO TOWN!! Okay, well, he's skiing in Vail and will hopefully be able to get back Monday night for dinner. I almost cried when he sent me the text of "I miss you!" after we talked. Cross your fingers for good driving weather and that the tunnel isn't backed up for three hours!!!
Wednesday I'm having happy hour with my friend who broke up with me a few months back...remember that one?
Cornell has been randomly texting about really nothing off and on. Yesterday he sent me a text that said he was sorry we haven't been able to catch up, he just needed some down time. I don't get this one. I haven't bothered to initiate texts, but I'm not rude and just not returning them. Something about this one has got me intrigued. Probably because there isn't much else to occupy my time.
I also disabled my Facebook account. HUGE for me.
Next Saturday, yes, Christmas morning I jump on a plane for a 7 hour flight back home to Hawaii. I cannot wait to feel those trade winds, feel sand between my toes, hear the ocean, smell the salt in the air and see my family and friends...ESPECIALLY my niece and nephew...oh how I've missed them!!!
OH - I do have a date to tell about!! I met this guy at the Rio the other night and having 4 Rio margies (the limit is actually 3...) I thought he was cute and gave him my number. We went out and there was no spark. He actually told me he didn't have any cool clothes until last year when he dated this girl that worked at the Buckle. It was my understanding that only high school girls worked at the Buckle...anyway - I manipulated the entire conversation because I was bored, I thought I came off horrible and figured that I wouldn't be hearing from him again. Don't get me wrong, he was a really nice guy, but young. I didn't get an exact age and I know that I keep saying I need a nice guy, but I'd like one around my own age...or at least in the same age bracket.
Anyway, I did hear from him the next day. SIGH. He said he had a great time (WHAT??) and asked if I was doing something on Friday. I texted him back and said I had plans the whole weekend. Not 5 minutes later he was asking me if I wanted to go to Vegas the next weekend...WHAT!?!?!? Okay, I'm all for spontaneous trips - but with people that I know!!
WEIRD!!
I texted him back and very nicely and politely said thank you for the offer but it wasn't a good idea and that thank you for a really nice dinner, but we probably shouldn't do it again.
I wanted to be nice, but totally up front. I hate when a guy doesn't want to see me again and makes up some bullshit excuse as to why and you know its a bullshit excuse and you just wish they'd be honest with you. I mean it sucks to say, but if you tell someone that you don't want to see them again it saves everyone time and energy. No one can get overly mad at you if you were honest with them. So, hopefully, dating Karma will come back to me.
I read this really cool blog by a girl who lives here in Denver and she posted Break-Up Etiquette 101. I think these are some fabulous rules to keep in your back pocket:
Break - Up Etiquette 101. I hope she doesn't mind me using her link!!!
The Top 5 Break-Up Rules
1. NEVER EVER use the line, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
2. Yes, it’s really OK (and highly appropriate) to kick the ex off Facebook.
3. Don’t drop off the face of someone’s planet if you are “in a relationship.” If you want to call it off, look at that person face to face. Have the respect for each other to honestly talk and express feelings. Don’t avoid phone calls all together! Give each other an equal say. And if you’ve only been out on a few dates, AT LEAST text the person the “old fashioned way” and explain you’re done. Give someone the courtesy of knowing you’ve moved on…even if you’ve moved on to NO ONE…or some random person the night before. Remember, karma’s a bitch…and you don’t want that riding your tail the rest of your dating career.
4. Don’t steal your ex’s friends…“Go get your own damn friends!”
5. And finally…after breaking up with someone, don’t call or text asking to get some “late night booty.”
I highly recommend that you read the entire post. Its pretty awesome.
Anyway. Hopefully I'll have a great post on Tuesday. Fingers crossed everyone. Seeing CB Monday night is going to be worth dealing with Tuesday...
xoxo,
Me.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Going into December...
Well everyone, its the end of the year. Halloween has passed, my birthday has passed, I'm one year older (and not doing well adjusting to this fact), Thanksgiving feasting is over with and now its onto the Christmas season, for which I am GOING HOME!!!!
in 24 days I will be spending nine days in Honolulu to do nothing but relax in the sun, listen to the surf, visit with friends that I haven't seen in forever, visit with my family and just take a break from life.
Not that I have much to take a break from except driving myself crazy over the opposite sex, dating them and figuring them out, over analyzing every word and action until I've driven half of my guy friends insane, most of my girlfriends crazy and practically driven myself into a bumbling idiot. I don't know how people do it. Dating sucks.
Second date with Cornell was yours truly at her absolute worst. I'm not talking foot in mouth, I'm not talking sassy...I'm talking clumsy and scatter brained. I was not calm, cool, collected...I've practically got my head in my hands while I write this...
I'm totally rushed since we agreed to meet at 6:30 - its a Friday night. There's rush hour traffic...not only to I have to put in a full day at work and not leave until 5, but I've got to go home, get cute, figure out what to wear and get to the Highlands by 6:30...its not totally impossible, but its got me freaking out. I don't do well under stress like this.
I get to the restaurant - it was just easier for me to meet him there - I'm about 10 minutes late (thank you rush hour traffic) and I rush into the bar area where he's sitting feeling like I'm making a Kramer-like entrance.
I take off my coat and I'm FREEZING in my cute silky chocolate brown dress and strappy shoes. One of those classic dresses that is so visually silky and shiny that men cannot resist trying to touch. Classic and tempting all at the same time (Seriously, sometimes I feel sorry for you men).
I seem to think that I've gotten myself together by the time our second round of mojitos came around...until I realized that I really hadn't had anything to eat since lunch...and my head is kinda light. So we order dinner and finishing my second mojito, I ask for a Chardonnay. I mean you CAN'T drink MOJITOS in this dress - its like wearing Armani to a white trash party...you just don't insult your clothes like that!!
I get up at this point to go to the bathroom. I'm planning my walk out, make sure I'm walking slow, seductively, eyes on him and girls you KNOW you do this when you know you look this good!! He's switched chairs and right in line of vision. He's totally watching me, I smile and I'm getting so close to our table, ready to walk up and stand right in front of him knowing he'll put his arms around me for even just a second. Its a total calculated seduction moment. Right up to the table I go - and my heel slips on the slick floor and I practically crash into the table.
OH DEAR GOD!!!
I cover it up by laughing and calling myself clumsy - after all our first date was right after I got my concussion...to which he responded by scooting his chair close and put his hand on my leg - which started moving very slightly back and forth against that amazing silky dress material.
Thinking everything is fine at this point and trying to cover up humiliation, I pick up my wine glass and somehow spill half of it down the front of myself, all over my dress and in my haste to try to dry it up somehow and PRAYING he didn't notice, grabbed my linen napkin and knocked my silverware off the table making the loudest clanging noise EVER...
Please let me die now...please let the floor open up and swallow me now so I don't have to look at him.
I glanced at him staring at me and put my head in my hands for a second then looked at him and said - "well, now that I've made a total ass of myself, I'm completely embarrassed and I think I'm just going to go home now."
He just smiled at me and suggested we get out of there and go somewhere else.
Well, anyway...the rest of the night went SO much better - downright fantastic actually.
I don't know who kissed who first or how or when it happened, but we turned into "that" couple in the bar that you get disgusted by and you just want to tell them to get a room. Couldn't keep our hands off of each other, could barely come up for air.
So I took him home where we polished off the rest of my chocolate vodka and proceeded to tear each other apart.
I'll save the TMI parts, but it was one of those sex, nap, sex, nap nights and all during all naps he slept with his arms around me.
I rate him in the top 2. And hot, oh lordy he's just drool worthy with no clothes on - the type that you just can't get enough of and can't keep your hands off of...
Our third date was the same way...but didn't end all that great. I asked him if I'd get to see him before he left for Boston and his reply was maybe. MAYBE??
To which he replied, "I'm playing hard to get"...
Completly baffled into a speachless silence, I watched him get into his car...
I'm pretty sure thats the last I'll see of him. And when I say pretty sure, I made one last ditch effort a few days later to see if he'd like to hang out...I got a reply from him almost 24 hours later saying he had plans. I haven't responded. Quite frankly I don't want to.
One of my guy friends chastised me a little about giving it up on the 2nd date...
I'm not devistated by any means, more irritated than anything and of course there is always that nagging voice in the back of your mind that always keeps you wondering "what happened??"
Well, I may never know. I may never hear from him again, and I'm actually fine with that. and the best thing about it is i'm not trying to convince myself of being fine with it. I learned with GC, there is nothing that you can do to make someone want you if they don't.
But honestly, I'm so OVER dating. I'm TIRED of it. I think my prince charming may have gotten lost or maybe his GPS is as horrible as mine and he can't find me...so if you happen to come upon him, please let him know that he needs to email me so I can send him detailed instructions to where I am.
xoxo,
Me
in 24 days I will be spending nine days in Honolulu to do nothing but relax in the sun, listen to the surf, visit with friends that I haven't seen in forever, visit with my family and just take a break from life.
Not that I have much to take a break from except driving myself crazy over the opposite sex, dating them and figuring them out, over analyzing every word and action until I've driven half of my guy friends insane, most of my girlfriends crazy and practically driven myself into a bumbling idiot. I don't know how people do it. Dating sucks.
Second date with Cornell was yours truly at her absolute worst. I'm not talking foot in mouth, I'm not talking sassy...I'm talking clumsy and scatter brained. I was not calm, cool, collected...I've practically got my head in my hands while I write this...
I'm totally rushed since we agreed to meet at 6:30 - its a Friday night. There's rush hour traffic...not only to I have to put in a full day at work and not leave until 5, but I've got to go home, get cute, figure out what to wear and get to the Highlands by 6:30...its not totally impossible, but its got me freaking out. I don't do well under stress like this.
I get to the restaurant - it was just easier for me to meet him there - I'm about 10 minutes late (thank you rush hour traffic) and I rush into the bar area where he's sitting feeling like I'm making a Kramer-like entrance.
I take off my coat and I'm FREEZING in my cute silky chocolate brown dress and strappy shoes. One of those classic dresses that is so visually silky and shiny that men cannot resist trying to touch. Classic and tempting all at the same time (Seriously, sometimes I feel sorry for you men).
I seem to think that I've gotten myself together by the time our second round of mojitos came around...until I realized that I really hadn't had anything to eat since lunch...and my head is kinda light. So we order dinner and finishing my second mojito, I ask for a Chardonnay. I mean you CAN'T drink MOJITOS in this dress - its like wearing Armani to a white trash party...you just don't insult your clothes like that!!
I get up at this point to go to the bathroom. I'm planning my walk out, make sure I'm walking slow, seductively, eyes on him and girls you KNOW you do this when you know you look this good!! He's switched chairs and right in line of vision. He's totally watching me, I smile and I'm getting so close to our table, ready to walk up and stand right in front of him knowing he'll put his arms around me for even just a second. Its a total calculated seduction moment. Right up to the table I go - and my heel slips on the slick floor and I practically crash into the table.
OH DEAR GOD!!!
I cover it up by laughing and calling myself clumsy - after all our first date was right after I got my concussion...to which he responded by scooting his chair close and put his hand on my leg - which started moving very slightly back and forth against that amazing silky dress material.
Thinking everything is fine at this point and trying to cover up humiliation, I pick up my wine glass and somehow spill half of it down the front of myself, all over my dress and in my haste to try to dry it up somehow and PRAYING he didn't notice, grabbed my linen napkin and knocked my silverware off the table making the loudest clanging noise EVER...
Please let me die now...please let the floor open up and swallow me now so I don't have to look at him.
I glanced at him staring at me and put my head in my hands for a second then looked at him and said - "well, now that I've made a total ass of myself, I'm completely embarrassed and I think I'm just going to go home now."
He just smiled at me and suggested we get out of there and go somewhere else.
Well, anyway...the rest of the night went SO much better - downright fantastic actually.
I don't know who kissed who first or how or when it happened, but we turned into "that" couple in the bar that you get disgusted by and you just want to tell them to get a room. Couldn't keep our hands off of each other, could barely come up for air.
So I took him home where we polished off the rest of my chocolate vodka and proceeded to tear each other apart.
I'll save the TMI parts, but it was one of those sex, nap, sex, nap nights and all during all naps he slept with his arms around me.
I rate him in the top 2. And hot, oh lordy he's just drool worthy with no clothes on - the type that you just can't get enough of and can't keep your hands off of...
Our third date was the same way...but didn't end all that great. I asked him if I'd get to see him before he left for Boston and his reply was maybe. MAYBE??
To which he replied, "I'm playing hard to get"...
Completly baffled into a speachless silence, I watched him get into his car...
I'm pretty sure thats the last I'll see of him. And when I say pretty sure, I made one last ditch effort a few days later to see if he'd like to hang out...I got a reply from him almost 24 hours later saying he had plans. I haven't responded. Quite frankly I don't want to.
One of my guy friends chastised me a little about giving it up on the 2nd date...
I'm not devistated by any means, more irritated than anything and of course there is always that nagging voice in the back of your mind that always keeps you wondering "what happened??"
Well, I may never know. I may never hear from him again, and I'm actually fine with that. and the best thing about it is i'm not trying to convince myself of being fine with it. I learned with GC, there is nothing that you can do to make someone want you if they don't.
But honestly, I'm so OVER dating. I'm TIRED of it. I think my prince charming may have gotten lost or maybe his GPS is as horrible as mine and he can't find me...so if you happen to come upon him, please let him know that he needs to email me so I can send him detailed instructions to where I am.
xoxo,
Me
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