Thougths and stuff

My drive into work this morning gave me an insane urge to write.

I don't think I will ever get over the beauty of watching the sun rise and the colors that explode and paint the sky.  The mountains themselves a wonderous contrast; the purpleish foothills against the stark white snow covered peaks that are surrounded by beautiful pinks and blues of the sky.  Photos never do it justice.  I've tried.  I just sit at the same stoplight on early mornings like this and feel at peace and at the same time feel the urge to want to strap on my snowboard and just be up there.  I wish that there was a lift at a resort that was open that early.  Maybe once I get good enough to be like those snowboarders that just glide effortlessly down the mountain it will happen.  One day I would like to glide down the mountain with the beauty of a sunrise such as the one I experienced this morning.  On days like these with views like that, I just feel like I want to burst out of my body and fly.  Weird?  Maybe, but these are the only words that I know how to describe it.

CB called me last night.  We chatted for a very long time...saying everything, yet saying nothing.  He kept saying he missed me.  I dreamt about him all night last night.  Its hard to be indifferent and distant when someone has somehow kept a part of you...and you want nothing more than that person...connections like this are hard to come by.  We both know this, distance and circumstance make anything impossible. I wanted my romantic movie experience.  I am living it.  However, I would like to skip to the last scene and see how this plays out.  Its strange to feel about your life the way you do while watching that romantic comedy where the two main characters meet, fall in "something", lust, want and need each other and something always keeps them apart.  You want to scream at them, "JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN ALREADY!!", and then it takes them 20 or so years to finally be together.  Why the hell did I watch Letters to Juliette the other night???  Because I am a sucker for romance.  I am in love with love.  I want to be in love because there is nothing more amazing than feeling those butterflies and it feeling like the world is spinning or you are spinning and falling at the same time, yet your feet never leave the ground and everything looks brighter, fuller, wonderful.  I love loving someone with everything that I have.  Wanting to make them smile, not being able to stop thinking about them, wanting to be with them because its almost painful to be apart.  **sigh**

Counting hours until I leave for Hawaii...I feel like I can't breathe here.  Almost the way I felt leaving there.  I'm so homesick for the ocean and the air, the sun and family.  I'm homesick for everything familiar and I'm exhausted.  I need to go home.  I need my family.  I just need to "be".

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to everyone out there who reads my words...Whoever you all are :-)

xoxo,
Me.