My life is NOTHING like what I pictured it to be. I had a plan long ago and I was on that path. Married early, kids by 27, good job, married...
Then I got divorced and went into what I call my Peter Pan stage. I never thought I would actually ever get older. I partied hard. I would figure out life later. All I wanted was to have fun.
I turned into a party girl. I drank all the time. I was never serious about anything. I never worried about the future. I turned my back on growing up. There would always be time to settle down, to worry about 401K's, retirement, a career, to go back to school...
I wanted to settle down and get married (again), but I wouldn't stop dressing like a stripper, I wouldn't stop getting wasted, I wouldn't stop my mouth and being mean to people, I wouldn't stop dancing on tables and bar tops.
I wanted a relationship, but I could not communicate.
I want someone to fall in love with me, but I haven't loved anything about myself in a very long time. My self validation came from having a boyfriend.
I wanted to be happy and I've always only been happy when I was in a relationship. I expected the person I was with to magically make me happy.
I am now 34 and time has forced me to stop and look at the big picture. All I see is failure. A failed marriage (which I am glad failed), no real career, a person just floating through life waiting for it to happen.
I look at driven people that have goals and a plan. They know what they want out of life and they go after it.
I have drive, but I don't know what I want!!!
I used to be able to vision a future, now I wish someone would walk up to me with a crystal ball and show me something...ANYTHING!!!
I'm lost at 34. I have dead end relationships with men that look at me and say "I don't think about you in that way" when I tell them I have feelings for them.
I used to define myself through my jobs, now that I have a job that holds about a 10th of the responsibility that I used to have, I cannot define myself that way.
I do nothing of importance.
My entire life is at a stand still.
When did this happen to me?
Then I got divorced and went into what I call my Peter Pan stage. I never thought I would actually ever get older. I partied hard. I would figure out life later. All I wanted was to have fun.
I turned into a party girl. I drank all the time. I was never serious about anything. I never worried about the future. I turned my back on growing up. There would always be time to settle down, to worry about 401K's, retirement, a career, to go back to school...
I wanted to settle down and get married (again), but I wouldn't stop dressing like a stripper, I wouldn't stop getting wasted, I wouldn't stop my mouth and being mean to people, I wouldn't stop dancing on tables and bar tops.
I wanted a relationship, but I could not communicate.
I want someone to fall in love with me, but I haven't loved anything about myself in a very long time. My self validation came from having a boyfriend.
I wanted to be happy and I've always only been happy when I was in a relationship. I expected the person I was with to magically make me happy.
I am now 34 and time has forced me to stop and look at the big picture. All I see is failure. A failed marriage (which I am glad failed), no real career, a person just floating through life waiting for it to happen.
I look at driven people that have goals and a plan. They know what they want out of life and they go after it.
I have drive, but I don't know what I want!!!
I used to be able to vision a future, now I wish someone would walk up to me with a crystal ball and show me something...ANYTHING!!!
I'm lost at 34. I have dead end relationships with men that look at me and say "I don't think about you in that way" when I tell them I have feelings for them.
I used to define myself through my jobs, now that I have a job that holds about a 10th of the responsibility that I used to have, I cannot define myself that way.
I do nothing of importance.
My entire life is at a stand still.
When did this happen to me?
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