I jumped on a plane and headed for Texas Friday night. Austin to be exact. I know. WHAT THE FUCK.
I have avoided Texas since the day I left. I have been back twice since I was 21. Both times I had to be told I needed to go. Once was for work. I mentally clawed the air trying to get time to speed up so I could get back to Colorado.
This time the plane I was on couldn't fly fast enough. Toward Texas. Even I am still in disbelief.
Its because HE'S there. With those incredible blue eyes and a great smile and that incredible laugh and those arms that envelope me when he hugs me. Just being around him drowns out the rest of the world...
and by the way...I'm pretty sure that he and I put the girl that lives next door to me to shame this weekend.
We ate, we drank (A LOT), explored, went for a walk. He plugged my phone in for me every night because I'm always on it and I forget to charge it. He made the local coffee place make me their version of a soy mocha frapp while I took a shower. He slept with his arms around me and I was happily sandwiched between him and the 100 lbs yellow lab he was watching for the weekend. I slept deeply and soundly and his snoring didn't bother me a bit. Not once was I plagued with nightmares...
I wondered how on earth two people could spend just a few days together and be as attached as we've gotten. He had a panic attack. I couldn't hold back my tears. He kept telling me to stay, not to leave. It made it that much harder to stop the tears. It was something that bewildered both of us and neither of us could figure out where it came from.
How do we fit so well together? Even just holding his hand...When I have my head on his chest it feels like two puzzle pieces that just fit.
What do you do when you live States away and everything is new? I offer that question out to the world...I know not to focus on him. I know that this is two weeks I know that this is a rebound but what if its not? What if everything I have ever wanted in a man, and everything I didn't know could exist is HERE?
I need to regroup. Be by myself for a little bit again. Come back to reality and stop looking at airline flights. Stop wondering if I could give up this state that I have come to love and the people that are in my life. I've had TWO weekends. TWO.
God I really need to stop watching Chick Flicks...
UGH.
at the risk of sounding like a mom, here, well I probably don't need to tell you what I'm going to say but here goes:
ReplyDeleteLive your life as it comes. You do need to stop thinking about the future and the what if's and put it out of your head for moving for someone you barely know. You are right to question yourself, it's been two weeks and two weekends of knowing this person. Everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning, even you. This is the getting to know you phase. the first few months always are. Yes you are out of town which makes it even harder but it also makes it easier for you both to not be your true selves. Give it time. If you still like the person you met after a few fights, some stressful times, at the person's worst moments and you love the city this person lives in then you could consider moving. you should move in spite of someone not because of someone. If life is meant to take you both down the same path together it will, but two great weekends does not a relationship make. Not saying it won't work but just remember, like watching a movie, this is only the opening credits...anything could happen so just wait it out before making any life altering changes :)