Which lead me to the next thought. I have a high list of demands when it comes to the men that I date, as I'm sure that every girl has. I just wonder how on earth some of them can find the right one and be super happy. When I think I find the right one, I'm not the one for them. SO RIDDLE ME THIS - How do you find that one that fits for more than 7 or 8 months? Where do you find the cute, smart, funny, amusing, friends like him, entertaining, knows how to cook (cause lord knows I don't), is a total gentleman, knows how to have great sex and still wants to settle down.
I think this person only exists in my mind - its the downfall of watching too many Disney Movies as a child and then watching too many "chick flicks" as a teenager to an adult.
And I throw this out to the world, to the different men in the Universe. Where is my other half?? I refuse to believe that I was put on this earth to live eternally alone at the mercy of my friends to spend time with me.
I can only think that I would like to go back to the last 4 ex boyfriends and ask them - what was it? Where was I lacking? I know I should learn to cook and probably clean my own house and do my own laundry - I just don't see the point. When I cook for myself, I'm full before I even sit down to eat. I laundry is just something I have always despised although when I was with someone I didn't mind doing it...I just hate folding and putting away. And as for cleaning my own house - well, for my entire life, I have NEVER been able to clean like a great wife or fiancee should. For me the dirt just never goes away - and the cleaning products ruin my nails. OK. I'll work on that too.
FYI gentlemen, the constant party girl is pretty much gone in a way of appearing full force at every opportunity. Dancing on bars doesn't appeal to me anymore and neither does dancing on tables. Chairs maybe, but only on very special occasions. I've started on working on being nice to people and keeping those very nasty thoughts to myself which used to come out before I could shut my mouth and keep them in. Of course there is the occasion that it will come out - but only amongst my very good friends. OH, and I have grown up REAL furniture that doesn't make my little apartment look like a college dorm room anymore.
**sigh** I need a new car now. I got the new bed and bed frame delivered today along with this great huge mirror that matches, new sheets, pillows, a whole new bed set. I'm slowly purging my closet. I also need new shoes. More new shoes.
I think I slept last night without dreaming about him. Slowly each day fades him a little further. It doesn't mean I don't miss him like crazy anymore, but each day all the sadness I feel is vanishing. I know the worthlessness that I felt on a daily basis is fading. In actuality, I almost feel somewhat relieved. I still wish that I could have been the one for him as he had been for me, but there is a reason that it is what it is and he gave me a lot in our relationship, more than I think he ever knew. He made me want to get to know this grown up person that was smothered by the ever crazy party girl. That grown up person is a stranger that I am getting to know. I'm almost 34 and I'm just now being introduced to myself.
I hope there is someone out there that I can have great amazing crazy sex with like the girl next door had last night. I can't lie, I was extremely jealous and I felt that twinge that happens when I wish GC was still around. I'm sure someday someone will turn my head as well as heart. He'll be smart, he'll challenge me mentally, and hopefully we'll have chemistry that was greater than anything I experienced with GC. Until then, I'll just keep buying stuff and shut my glass door so I can't hear the girl next door. I wonder if she knew that she had an audience of a few guys that were outside by the pool listening to everything, having a few beers and could more than likely see everything...
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